Truth and Lies, and something in between
"Therefore I lie with her and she with me,
And in our faults by lies we flatter'd be."
-W. Shakespeare, Sonnet 138
Out of all the 'sins' of today, the most common, the most feared, and the most underestimated, I believe, is lying.
"To lie is to state something that one knows to be false or that one does not honestly believe to be true with the intention
to deceive others, often with the further intention to maintain a secret
or reputation, protect someone's feelings or to avoid a punishment or repercussion for one's actions."
- from our beloved Wikipedia.
(That is no longer a valid reference source for most academic papers. Sad, but true.)
- from our beloved Wikipedia.
(That is no longer a valid reference source for most academic papers. Sad, but true.)
So now that we got the definition out of the way....
We all do it. Most, if not all, of us feel guilty about it. But sadly there is nothing to be done. Sometimes lies help things go smoother, mostly white lies, the ones that don't really matter. They help things move along with minimum drama. You know the ones that I mean: "Nothing's wrong", "Yes, you look wonderful", "Yes, I'm almost finished with that assignment", "It wasn't me", "I don't know how that got there", "It's ok, it happens to everyone", and of course "Size doesn't matter."
These little lies usually don't hurt too much, but sometimes they do backfire unexpectedly, so limit their use.
But what hurts us and others more is the abnormal kind of lies.
The ones that imply betrayal, the ones that we build up on purpose and fight hard to keep. And the worst of all these are the lies we tell ourselves.
What happens then when a person lies to themselves?
It seems physically impossible to believe a lie that is told to oneself. I mean, you know you're lying. So there is no doubt.So how can you believe it? Impossible.
But how to you explain the situations in which it works?
For example, ever tried faking happiness? When you feel absolutely terrible, you can physically force yourself to smile, even if its ironic. And it works! It seems like the physical movement creates the same chemical reaction as the real thing: endorphins are released, and you feel better.
But its a lie... right?
But its a lie... right?
Another common example for women are so called modern mantras. Once just a religious thing, they're now used in an effort to help women gain more self-confidence. Repeating certain motivational phrases daily helps women. Even if they're not really true, they help. And they actually help them change, to make the statement true.
But its a lie... right?
What about lies that you don't consciously understand? Anorexia for example. Anorexic women look at themselves in a mirror and see a distorted reality, they see a lie. But it's their brain lying to them, nobody else. They're lying to themselves, creating a different version of reality.
But its all a lie... right?
I guess what I'm trying to get at is that this is not such a simple concept. Especially when we get psychological aspects involved in the discussion...
We, women especially, lie to keep ourselves happy. Often. Ironic, but true. And I can't figure out if it's a bad thing or not.
What do you think? (New feedback page available, check at the top)
What do you think? (New feedback page available, check at the top)
Seems like any sort of happiness better than being miserable, even if it is based on lies?
We create our own reality. So if we lie ourselves into believing something, after some time it becomes the truth for us. Of course this is a very sensitive issue, and it doesn't work for all things. Most importantly, it shouldn't work for all things, it's dangerous and harmful. But for some, this is a means of survival.
If you're trapped in a situation. You might as well enjoy it, or get something positive out of it, even if you have to lie or fake your way through it. And after a while you start to believe in your lies. At which point they actually stop being lies.
A bit of a controversial issue, and even I don't agree with it 100% I think, but I like pointing out these aspects. Think about it.
It's how arranged marriages work. It's how people can stand terrible job positions. It's how we deal with difficulties in relationships. It's how we make peace with our parents during conflicts. There are a lot of situations in life that you simply don't want to face in absolute truth. You look for ways to get yourself to be OK with it. And what is that if not a type of lying to yourself?
Another aspect I want to cover is how the belief in a lie can be have the same effect as the truth.
I'm talking about the Placebo Effect. For those unfamiliar with the subject, a brief overview:
"The physician's belief in the treatment and the patient's faith in the physician exert a mutually reinforcing effect; the result is a powerful remedy that is almost guaranteed to produce an improvement and sometimes a cure." -- Petr Skrabanek and James McCormick, Follies and Fallacies in Medicine, p. 13.
"A placebo (Latin for "I shall please") is a
pharmacologically inert substance that produces an effect similar to what would be expected of a
pharmacologically active substance (such as an antibiotic).The placebo effect is the measurable, observable, or felt improvement in
health or behavior not attributable to a medication or invasive treatment that has been
administered."
In simple terms, if a person believes enough in the fact that he/she is given medicine that will help them, even if they are given fake medicine aka sugar pills, the effect will be similar, or even the same as if they had been given real medication.
It's a lie? But if you believe enough that it is the truth, your body doesn't know the difference. Scary, huh?
So what can we conclude?
That things are never as simple as they may seem. Yes, lying is bad. Mostly. But sometimes it is useful, and , yes, rarely, but still, sometimes it is necessary.
But use it sparingly and with caution. Because, once caught, there will be trouble.
(And what better way to end than with a little taste of Nietzsche?)
“I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you” -Friedrich Nietzsche
References:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lie
http://www.skepdic.com/placebo.html
http://uk.askmen.com/dating/heidi_200/211b_dating_girl.html
http://factoidz.com/wp-content/themes/gabtheme/images/how-can-we-tell-if-someone-is-lying-to-us.jpg (photo)
Let what needs to happen, happen
"A person often meets his destiny on the road he took to avoid it." ~Jean de La Fontaine
"Fate leads the willing, and drags along the reluctant." ~Seneca
Intro
-----It has been lately pointed out to me that the tone of my writings is
somewhat feministic. Not that I don't like that, but I do want to try to make my blog a bit less womanizing, broaden the target audience a bit. So let me just switch that around a bit to just
being somewhat rebellious or radical. So hang in with me here.-----
There has long been controversy and discussion between whether a person controls his or her own life or whether it has already been predicted.
The latter bases itself mostly on religion: if our destiny is predetermined, then who determines it? Surely some higher power. And that's where God comes in.
Whereas the first bases itself on the modern notions of human superiority and domination. It's the belief that we are God(s). We are the prevalent race on Earth, everything else was made to serve us. We control our own destiny.
Right ?
It seems to me that the nature of truth is that it is always in the middle of two radical opposites. In the Ukrainian language referred to as the ''golden center''. Nothing that is absolute is really true, there are always different aspects. And both must be taken into consideration.
So what if it's a bit of both?
Honestly, to think that people are able to fully control their lives is silly. We know too little, we understand too little. We cannot know what will happen to us, or to the world, not the next day, not the next year, not even the next second. We have no control over certain things. And these things directly, or indirectly influence our little world. We cannot deny that.
So ultimately the notion that people control their own destiny is just something that we believe, because we refuse to give into the fear of the unknown factors that actually shape our destiny. We are afraid to let go and let things flow. What if they flow the ''wrong'' way? What if something was just not meant to be? How can we just give in to that? It's hard.
Now, of course this is not the absolute. I am not saying we should lay back and let life take us where we need to go. What's the point then? I believe that there are divine factors that influence our path, but we are still the ones that have to walk it. Now, maybe not EVERYTHING is predetermined. Little things are probably not. Unless they influence the big picture. Those decisions are probably monitored closely and influenced, if needed, by, let's say God, or maybe Angels. Spirits. Whatever label you prefer. Higher forces that we cannot explain or understand.
Seems like there are two aspects to this that always get me confused:
Testing and pushing away. Let me explain:
Sometimes it seems like if you really want something, you have to prove exactly how much you want it. You have to fight, through the pain, misery, maybe sacrifice, to prove that you ''deserve'' it. And there are success stories like that. Against all odds and boundaries, people do get what they want.
In other cases, it seems like the higher spirits are pushing you away from making a bad decision, from going in a direction that you shouldn't go.
My question is, how can you know the difference?
Maybe I'm taking this too far into religion and philosophy, but seriously, how can God expect us to understand His signs if He didn't send us a manual of how to interpret them?
If something goes wrong, is it a warning or is it a test?
I guess we can never really know for sure. Unless we can listen to our intuition and act on it. People have forgotten how to listen. And don't look at me like I'm crazy, it's been proven scientifically and mathematically. (read my article "Coincidence?" from 3/31/10
)
It does exist. And it could make our lives a lot easier if we knew how to listen. There are signs and answers everywhere. We just have either forgotten, or maybe we didn't really ever know how to interpret them.
Anyway, my point is, yes, we make decisions, but there is a part of our lives that we don't control. Some things have to happen, and we have to let them happen.
There was a story on the news a while back: A couple, man and woman, were late for their flight, that later crashed and everyone died. They got a car and rode to whatever place they needed to get to. And they got into a car accident. And both died. (A bit of a depressing example, but you get my point?)
I think its time that people stopped being so afraid to let go and tried to "relax into the unknown." Let go of all the
fear that is holding us back.
It's okay to trust in fate, in the hope that everything will turn out perfectly. Really.
Credits: http://rebekahsimpson.wordpress.com/2009/05/05/trust-and-let-go/, http://www.sloclick.co.uk/images/20050921091213_footsteps_sm.jpg
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