Hope?
“All my writing is about the recognition that there is no single reality. But the beauty of it is that you nevertheless go on, walking towards utopia, which may not exist, on a bridge which might end before you reach the other side.”- Marguerite Young
One of my friends recently asked, what is so wonderful about our world?
Nature: destroyed, food: toxic, people: psychologically unstable. All
the bad things you hear on the news. All the horrors than are still
happening every day… Women being stoned or buried alive for going
outside or for talking to men before marriage, masses of children being
killed as a demonstration of an ideology (Norway), militarization,
development of bombs that can destroy our planet 300 times over, natural
and unnatural disasters, ice caps melting, species of animals dying out
because of our over consumption or carelessness, people getting
attacked and killed for little green papers that have no value.
Does it make you feel kind of helpless?
Well, this is my response to this issue, I hope it gives you some food for thought:
There is a good and bad side in everything, darkness and light. But
light is always stronger, because darkness is simply a lack of light.
Bad things have, do, and will exist in the world, but they only seem to
be dominant because we hear about them more often. The good things are
the norm, nobody on the news bothers to tell you what good things
happened in the world, there wouldn’t be enough time in the program.
As long as people exist that are able to think and question our
reality, and strive to have love and light in our hearts, and spread it
to other people, then there is always hope for our world.
But the war can never be really over, because in the fight between
the light and darkness we grow. In an ideal world there is no evolution,
nothing to learn. Basically there would be no point to exist.
What do you guys think?
Live In The NOW
"If you aren’t in the moment, you are either looking forward to uncertainty, or back to pain and regret.- Jim Carrey
Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.
- John Lennon
- John Lennon
Our entire lives are based on the future. Think about it. Ironic
isn’t it? We live now, to live later. We go to school to graduate, we
get a job to have money later, we meet people to get married and build a
family. We set up our lives for the prospect of being happy later.
My question to you is: what about the now?
It seems like we get so into looking forward to the future we forget
to stop and look around. Have you walked the same path every day of the
year, and only after 6 months or so you finally noticed something
interesting that’s been there all along? Where were you looking? Or were
you looking at all? Life nowadays is so stressful and busy, it seems
like we have retreated to living in our heads. And our bodies simply
serve the purpose of transporting our head.
Have we forgotten how to live in the moment? Why do I say “forgotten”? Because we had that gift. When we were children.
I love watching children. It’s a type of therapy for me. Not playing
with them, simply watching is enough. It seems to me that children are
the embodiment of everything that we adults have lost: innocence, sense
of adventure, unstoppable curiosity and thirst for discovering new
things, the lack of fear of failure, the confidence in their safety and
happiness. Children do not need two weeks to plan something fun. They
know that every moment is an opportunity. They believe in the
opportunity. If you think about it, its almost like… magic.
“Everyday, God gives us the sun- and also one moment in which we
have the ability to change everything that makes us unhappy. Everyday,
we try to pretend that we haven’t perceived that moment, that it doesn’t
exist- that today is the same as yesterday and will be the same as
tomorrow. But if people really pay attention to their everyday lives,
they will discover that magic moment. It may arrive in the instant that
we are doing something mundane, like putting the front door key in the
lock; it may lie hidden in the quiet that follows the lunch hour, or in
the thousand and one things that all seem the same to us. But that
moment exists- a moment all the power of the stars becomes a part of us
to perform miracles.”- Osho
Now, I want you to go outside and take a full minute to just look at the sky. One minute. Look up, breathe. Feel alive.
Metamorphosis
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| Image Copyright: Elena Vizerskaya, aka Kassandra Amazing Ukrainian artist, view her port at http://www.photodom.com/member/kassandra |
“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.” -Maria Robinson
“The key to change... is to let go of fear.” -Rosanne Cash
“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” -Reinhold Niebuhr
It's a concept that is at the base of everyone's life, but our attitudes and reactions to it differ. Let us discuss..
The fear that comes along with change is quite natural. The first type inspires fear of the new and different, the second - fear of the unknown and fear of the loss of control.
That's when we first feel the rush of power that comes with being in control, the power to change things in your life. And as you get older, you get more opportunity to realize that power. And more freedom.
And if any of you have the same problem, I now address you. Don't.
You mustn't let fear hold you back. (In reasonable situations, of course.)
This is the part when I should say that it's the inner change that is more important. But I hold you, my readers, in enough esteem to assume that you know this, so I will elaborate only briefly...
When you want to evolve, you have to start with your inner world, and the rest will follow. You cannot expect your world to change if you do not make the effort to change something within yourself first.
But inner change is the most difficult one of them all. I've heard it said countless times: ''people don't change'', ''it's impossible''. Well, those of you who read my blod reguarly must know how I feel about the word ''impossible''. It's not only total BS, but it's also like a challange for me.
Impossible? Let me prove you wrong. Anyway...
Never. Ever. Change for someone else. Or to fit someones' standarts or expectations. I mean, you can, but ultimately, if done for the wrong reasons, whatever the change was, it will come crashing down and backfire against you. And what good will that do you?
Whatever self-improvement plan you have, you need to question it:
- Who am I doing this for?
- Was it my idea?
- Will it benefit me?
- Will I stand by it if my family/friends don't support it?
- Will I be able to keep it up long-term?
It's hard to tell the difference sometimes, I know, and it is ok to keep some of these things in the back of your mind as a bonus, but your main reason should be yourself. Any change you impliment on yourself should be your decision. For you. Be selfish in a certain extent!
OK, and a final aspect:
Change can be a fabulous way to.. well... change. That was a badly constructed sentence, but I hope you can follow what I mean. Sometimes we get stuck in bad situations, whether its a relationship, an attitude, a social environment or a belief system. And sometimes we don't have the emotional strength or inspiration to make a big inner change. So we can help ourselves through outer change. Women do this often, and I am very guilty of it. Change your hair color, style of clothing, move to a different city. This new, exciting development can serve as a final push that you need to really change, inside.
Although I must warn you that this is much, much harder than it seems. As a person who's moved from country to country her entire life, I can tell you for sure: unless you make an effort, you will, ALWAYS, take your problems with you. You cannot escape the lessons that you must learn, the experiences that you must go through. A different city will not save you. Unless, you are willing to work at it.
For example, if you are shy, you may think that transfering to a different school will give you a chance to be different. So you do. And what usually happens? You settle into the same situation. You cannot run from yourself. So the most important part is working on your inner change. Use the outer change as a helping factor, not the basis.
Yes, at first it might seem fake. You might need to push yourself, write little post-it notes on your mirror, wear a special ring or bracelet that will remind you to be different. But after a while...you will get use to it. The people around you will get use to it. And once they accept it, they will expect it from you, so it will be easier.
Now, let me make something clear: I am a firm believer in being yourself. So do not think that this article is propaganda for you to go out and become a different person.
Self-improvement change should be about releasing your inner self, becoming a better person, a better YOU, becoming the kind of person that you want to be.
Good luck!
What do you think? Comments, constructive criticisms, anything. Drop me a comment below.
(Also I'd like feedback on the fact that I'm making the blog more personal, using examples from my own life, which I wasn't doing before. Good change, or should I stick to the theory?)
Let what needs to happen, happen
"A person often meets his destiny on the road he took to avoid it." ~Jean de La Fontaine
"Fate leads the willing, and drags along the reluctant." ~Seneca
Intro
-----It has been lately pointed out to me that the tone of my writings is
somewhat feministic. Not that I don't like that, but I do want to try to make my blog a bit less womanizing, broaden the target audience a bit. So let me just switch that around a bit to just
being somewhat rebellious or radical. So hang in with me here.-----
There has long been controversy and discussion between whether a person controls his or her own life or whether it has already been predicted.
The latter bases itself mostly on religion: if our destiny is predetermined, then who determines it? Surely some higher power. And that's where God comes in.
Whereas the first bases itself on the modern notions of human superiority and domination. It's the belief that we are God(s). We are the prevalent race on Earth, everything else was made to serve us. We control our own destiny.
Right ?
It seems to me that the nature of truth is that it is always in the middle of two radical opposites. In the Ukrainian language referred to as the ''golden center''. Nothing that is absolute is really true, there are always different aspects. And both must be taken into consideration.
So what if it's a bit of both?
Honestly, to think that people are able to fully control their lives is silly. We know too little, we understand too little. We cannot know what will happen to us, or to the world, not the next day, not the next year, not even the next second. We have no control over certain things. And these things directly, or indirectly influence our little world. We cannot deny that.
So ultimately the notion that people control their own destiny is just something that we believe, because we refuse to give into the fear of the unknown factors that actually shape our destiny. We are afraid to let go and let things flow. What if they flow the ''wrong'' way? What if something was just not meant to be? How can we just give in to that? It's hard.
Now, of course this is not the absolute. I am not saying we should lay back and let life take us where we need to go. What's the point then? I believe that there are divine factors that influence our path, but we are still the ones that have to walk it. Now, maybe not EVERYTHING is predetermined. Little things are probably not. Unless they influence the big picture. Those decisions are probably monitored closely and influenced, if needed, by, let's say God, or maybe Angels. Spirits. Whatever label you prefer. Higher forces that we cannot explain or understand.
Seems like there are two aspects to this that always get me confused:
Testing and pushing away. Let me explain:
Sometimes it seems like if you really want something, you have to prove exactly how much you want it. You have to fight, through the pain, misery, maybe sacrifice, to prove that you ''deserve'' it. And there are success stories like that. Against all odds and boundaries, people do get what they want.
In other cases, it seems like the higher spirits are pushing you away from making a bad decision, from going in a direction that you shouldn't go.
My question is, how can you know the difference?
Maybe I'm taking this too far into religion and philosophy, but seriously, how can God expect us to understand His signs if He didn't send us a manual of how to interpret them?
If something goes wrong, is it a warning or is it a test?
I guess we can never really know for sure. Unless we can listen to our intuition and act on it. People have forgotten how to listen. And don't look at me like I'm crazy, it's been proven scientifically and mathematically. (read my article "Coincidence?" from 3/31/10
)
It does exist. And it could make our lives a lot easier if we knew how to listen. There are signs and answers everywhere. We just have either forgotten, or maybe we didn't really ever know how to interpret them.
Anyway, my point is, yes, we make decisions, but there is a part of our lives that we don't control. Some things have to happen, and we have to let them happen.
There was a story on the news a while back: A couple, man and woman, were late for their flight, that later crashed and everyone died. They got a car and rode to whatever place they needed to get to. And they got into a car accident. And both died. (A bit of a depressing example, but you get my point?)
I think its time that people stopped being so afraid to let go and tried to "relax into the unknown." Let go of all the
fear that is holding us back.
It's okay to trust in fate, in the hope that everything will turn out perfectly. Really.
Credits: http://rebekahsimpson.wordpress.com/2009/05/05/trust-and-let-go/, http://www.sloclick.co.uk/images/20050921091213_footsteps_sm.jpg
Forgive me?
"Most of us can forgive and forget, we just don't want the other person to forget that we forgave." - Ivern Ball
"The weak can never forgive, forgiveness it the attribute of the strong." - Gandhi
The ability to forgive is one of those famously good attributes that all people believe they should have. It has been taught to us since we were children that it’s a good thing to do. But ultimately, why should we forgive? Or should we forgive at all? Are we ever obligated to forgive? What are the limits of forgiveness? Are some things simply unforgivable?
Let's
start simple: what is does it mean 'to forgive'?
· to
grant pardon for an offense
· to
cancel an indebtedness or liability
Ultimately,
forgiveness is simply letting go of the past and moving on. Whether it is a
selfish act (forgiving just to make yourself feel better), for the sake of the
relationship (out of love, or out of helplessness), or for the sake of the person,
forgiveness is absolute. Letting go of the past, with no strings attached.
In
the purest sense of the term, forgiveness is also an act of non-reciprocity.
That means you forgive people out of the kindness of your heart, not expecting
anything in return.
But
how realistic are those ideas nowadays?
In
the official system of laws there is no forgiveness: a person does something
wrong, they are punished. End of story. Anything different is an exception
to the rule. And usually, it is either illegal, or debatable.
But
what about in our everyday lives? In relationships? In the family? People make
mistakes all the time, and sometimes those mistakes are serious, but they are
forgiven. But the same rule works: forgiveness is an exception. Theoretically
offenses must be punished, always.
In
everyday lives there is the idea of "Forgive and Forget", and there
is an endless debate going on about whether it is right to do both, one, or
none. Men say that women forgive, but never forget. Which means they forgive
mistakes, but if the opportune moment arises, they bring it up and use it. And
men complain that that is not fair. But is it really?
We
are taught to learn from our mistakes, but if we forgive and forget, what will
stop the offenders from repeating the offense? What will protect us? Where is
the line between being generous and forgiving, to simply being easy to
manipulate and used? If we forgive too much, people stop being afraid to make
mistakes. If there is no punishment, then what makes a something bad different
from something good? Unless we count moral values, then practically nothing.
Punishment is vital. It makes the system work.
If
we forgive too much, we have the risk of making people too tempted to do whatever
they want, without any fear. So is forgiveness worth the risk? What makes it
worth it, love? Fear?
Women
seem more prone to forgiveness. For the same offense, women will forgive much
easier than men. Mostly I think they will do this for the sake of the
relationship. It seems like women are much more afraid to mistakes and ruin the
relationship, maybe because they are afraid of being left alone. Not exactly
sure why, maybe they are subconsciously aware of the fact that there are less
men than women in the world? Or they are just so happy once they find a man
that is good enough, and just want to hang on to him, no matter what? But men
seem like they can let go easier, and not regret it in the long run. That's one
thing I envy them for.
But
in some cases I think people are too forgiving. I think, because of fear or
helplessness, or because they want to do the 'right thing', people forgive
things they really shouldn't. For example, violence of any kind, cheating, or
similar domestic ''crimes'' should not be forgiven. Because they are not about
the situation in which they were committed, they are either relationship or
psychological issues, which cannot be resolved easily and will almost always be
repeated. Out of love, maybe, they may be forgiven once, but if any such
offense is repeated, then it is unforgivable. No exceptions. Follow the rule.
People,
of course, must strive to be kind and generous, but ultimately, we are not
angels, and we are not God.
Actually,
about God: the idea that can be seen in most religions is that God is all
merciful. He loves His children, and we must repent our sins, ask for forgiveness,
and our sins will be forgiven. In Christianity this is called absolution; and
traditionally it has even been practiced to give out “absolution certificates”,
which were supposed to guarantee forgiveness. I will refrain from commenting on
the oddness of this, but I will point out one thing: if God is all merciful,
then why is there the whole idea of heaven and hell? And the fear of committing
sins? If we can all be forgiven out of pure love, then what’s stopping us? Do
now, apologize later, no?
I
believe that people cannot, and should not be all-forgiving. We must protect
ourselves and get out of harmful situations while we can. We deserve happiness,
and we must not let the ideas of how we ‘should’ act to be considered ‘good’
people get in the way. After all, we are only human. We make mistakes. But we
should be smart enough to tell the difference between when it is the right
thing to do, and when it is not. And not be afraid to act on our decision.
Addicted to Artificial Happinesss
Each
and every one of us, at a certain point in our lives has faced a
problem that we were unable to easily deal with. These things catch us
unexpectedly sometimes and throw us completely off balance. At this
point we have to choose a way of dealing with the problem. There are
many choices, but, usually, it's much easier to go for the easy
solutions: to avoid it, to cover up problems with artificial happiness.
Now,
let me be more clear. I want to discuss the generally accepted idea
that certain substances, for the lack of a better word, “addictions,”
can help us solve our problems.
First
of all, I do not wish to criticize people, nor am I trying to say these
things are bad or good. I would just like to ask, why is it, exactly,
that so many young people nowadays rely on substances as a source of
happiness? Is it purely psychological? Most of these substances come
with warnings of being harmful or fatal. But people continue to indulge
in them. Why? What draws young people to these things, like a moth to
the flame?
Let's
first look at the obvious reasons, the benefits: these “addictions”
provide us with relief. They help us relax, focus, forget about our
problems, lose control. We become more sociable, more fun, more
confident. Now these excuses I can understand: our lives are full of
stress, and people psychologically associate happiness with these
stimulants. So, yes, they work. But the mind is such a powerful weapon!
If you associate anything else with happiness, it will work for you. And
it doesn't necessarily have to be an investment or be harmful. But,
perhaps we just like the danger and feeling of rebellion?
There
are many theories that explain such consciously destructive behavior.
Some are created by scientists and some by psychologists. (Somehow the
two never seem to agree.) Scientific theories say that some people are
genetically prone to addictions.
“It is not I who become addicted,” said J.Cocteau. “It is my body.”
It's
my personal opinion that the body and mind have to be in harmony. They
are a part of one system, and cannot be separated. So this theory is
irrelevant: The problem is not why people continue, but why they
started. Find the source of the problem, not the consequences.
So…why?
Always the same answers: enjoyment, boredom, social pressure. But
people will never really tell you the deeper reasons, perhaps because
they are not aware of them themselves. We have become lazy, forgotten
how to find happiness naturally, we are afraid of confronting our inner
problems. Unhappy? Low self-esteem? Loneliness? Feeling the need to be
accepted? Work through your problems. Change your perception of the
world. Evolve. Yes, lighting up a cigarette will make you feel better,
but only for the moment. Life is precious, and we are in it for the long
run.
Now,
I would like to mention that, of course, we are not angels. And being
young is mostly all about enjoying and experiencing life to the fullest.
But, whatever you do, make sure it is your own conscious decision, not
something you were pressured into socially or culturally. Stay safe.
...Coincidece...?
“Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do.” -Benjamin Spock
A very frequent
theme in my reflections, articles, blog posts, etc. is the general and complete
distrust we have towards ourselves and to our bodies. From the very simple
things, such as stuffing ourselves full of medicine at the slightest hint of an
illness, to not trying to interpret its signals and pushing it way beyond its
limits. The medicine topic I will cover sometime later, but what I want to
point out now is the general distrust, the contradiction between our minds and
hearts. The fact that we believe that we know better and more than our higher
‘I’, that only contacts with us through dreams, signs, hints, feelings,
warnings. The little voice in the back of your head, your guardian angel, the
‘gut’ feeling, third eye, your intuition, whichever you prefer. But these signs
are rarely something like a gigantic flashing neon billboard with the word
“stop” and fourteen exclamation marks. These things are on higher levels of
understanding, dealing with higher energies. So they are subtle. We have to be
open and know how to listen and interpret them, or else we might miss them.
It is fact that
intuition, or a way of obtaining higher knowledge exists. Scientists all around the word have been
studying this phenomenon, of “knowing without reasoning”. Countless tests and
examples exist, from laboratory testing, of guessing drawings on cards without
looking at them, to the countless predictions that psychics have made throughout
time. If you research, you will find that nearly every singe major catastrophe
has been predicted by psychics or a medium sometimes 10 or even more years
before the event actually happened! But because of people’s cynical outlook on
this, the predictions were ignored and the events occurred. The most famous
examples are perhaps Nostradamus and Vanga, who predicted the 9/11 attack on
the USA, the beginning of the World Wars, the death of Princess Diana, as well
as others.
But if you don’t
believe in that, let’s take a scientific approach: it has been proven
statistically, that airplane flights, or any other mode of travel for that
matter, that are doomed to crash have an unusually low number of passenger
turnout: many passengers change their mind at the last minute, many are late,
as opposed to successful trips, when passengers fly without hesitation and are
on time, its always at least a 15% difference. What influences the people to
miss the doomed trip? Coincidence?
Also a pretty
famous example: the novel “Futility” by Morgan Robertson, which tells the story
of a gigantic ship called the Titan, that crashes into an iceberg and sinks.
Curious thing is the novel was published in 1898, which is 14 years before the
actual Titanic was built, and sank. Coincidence?
What about the
predictions or tests I mentioned before? They cannot be coincidences: from
algebra we know that there is a certain coefficient of probability, which tells
of how likely an event can occur. Well it has been calculated how probable it
is that so many of the predictions will come true, or the probability of
guessing cards without looking. The results are much, much higher than they
should be. Mathematically it cannot be a coincidence. There has to be a
separate factor influencing the events. Fate? Intuition? This is where
scientists shake their heads. Because to be able to see the whole picture we
must look outside the box of materialistic and scientific thinking. Most people
nowadays believe in God, unquestionably, without any real materialistic proof.
Why is it then so hard to believe that there are higher forces that we can use
to make decisions, guess future events, etc? And if we can believe in them,
then, why are we so afraid to trust in them? Why are we so afraid to trust
ourselves?
“It is through science that we prove, but through intuition that we discover.” Henri Poincare
On Fear, Regret, Mistakes and how its all B.S.
“When you're young, life is about the pursuit of fun. Then, you grow up and learn to be cautious. You could break a bone or a heart. You look before you leap and sometimes you don't leap at all because there's not always someone there to catch you. And in life, there's no safety net. When did it stop being fun and start being scary?”-Sex and the city
It stopped being fun once we got a reality check. Everybody gets them in different ways, through a broken heart, loss of loved one, natural disaster, parents divorce, etc etc.. Or maybe it wasn't even a dramatic event, maybe it was something little, so little you can't even remember. But everybody has a breaking point, in which the world suddenly goes from pink and fluffy to full color, contrast, saturation and all that. And I don't know how about you, but it scared the hell out of me.
Life suddenly went from passive and lovely, so complicated and uncertain. There were so many options. So many roads. So many detours. So many choices. So many potential mistakes. So much fear.
And suddenly I was given the controls. But I had no idea how to drive. I had to suddenly ''know'' and ''plan''. I was overwhelmed. I closed up. I climbed into my little bubble, into the backseat, and let the flow carry me along. I was afraid.
But what is there to fear, really?
Fear of making mistakes.
Fear of regretting.
Fear of failure.
Fear.
But what are mistakes anyway? And who has the right to judge?
Why do you think that YOU have the right to decide what was a mistake and what wasn't? How do you know? You don't ever, ever see the Bigger Picture. You can only guess, regret, worry, yada yada. But what for? Yes, you may think of what could-a, should-a, would-a happened, but in the end its simply a waste of time.
We make decisions. Every minute of every day. We decide the course of our lives. Whether or not you believe in destiny, I think everybody will agree that a person has a certain power over their lives.
I'm writing this post. I could be doing a thousand different things right now, but this was my decision. Because I have something to say, and for some reason I decided to say it. And I never know the consequences.
Maybe one sentence, one word of this post will trigger a thought in someones mind, which will help them in some situation in life. They may not even realize it, I may never find out about it.
Or it may not happen. Maybe this is just a blog, just a way for me to vent, and it may not change or influence anything. But so what? Should I sit here and think, hmm, maybe if I hadn't written this post I would have gone out and found the love of my life, yada, yada. Anything is possible. But do I regret it? No.
Long ago I've decided to try to give up on regret. There is no point.
We make decisions. We shape our lives. We do the best we can, strive to be the best we can be. No point in categorizing things in the past as good or bad. Everything is just an experience. Learn from it and move on. If you were true to your heart then there is no reason to regret anything you ever did. And nothing is a mistake. What happened, happened. Take a deep breath and let it go.
Get out of the backseat of your car.
The past is behind you,
Your future is ahead.
Fear is simply an illusion.
It's in your mind.
You have the controls in your hands.
So...
Where do YOU want to go...?
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