Image Copyright: Elena Vizerskaya, aka Kassandra Amazing Ukrainian artist, view her port  at http://www.photodom.com/member/kassandra

 “Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.” -Maria Robinson

“The key to change... is to let go of fear.” -Rosanne Cash

 “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” -Reinhold Niebuhr

((Note from yours truly: Before starting I want to apologize for letting the blog sit and gather dust for almost a month. I've been preoccupied with traveling, dealing with emotional dramas, and pretty much trying to figure out what I want out of life. So do excuse me, it required a lot of my attention. But I'm back now... Also would like to take this opportunity to mention that I'm planning a fabulous addition to the blog: a video blog on youtube, in which I will discuss each article, along with personal comments of mine. It seems to me that people (me included) do not have much time to read nowadays, so I must keep up with the pace of the world. Stay tuned....))

What I want to discuss with you today is the idea of change.
It's a concept that is at the base of everyone's life, but our attitudes and reactions to it differ. Let us discuss..

As much as a contradiction as it is, but change is the only constant thing in the world.  There are two kinds of change: one we control (or at least think we have some control over) and the one we don't. Also we can categorize differently: voluntary and non voluntary change. (A bit different, I'll elaborate in a minute...) 
 The fear that comes along with change is quite natural. The first type inspires fear of the new and different, the second - fear of the unknown and fear of the loss of control.

Change has always been a big thing in my life. Mostly involuntary. I was a very passive child. I have almost no memory of my life until I was around 7 years old. No secret drama or anything, I just remember living life like it was a movie: I was always sitting back and watching. So, no memories. Because I didn't create memories, I didn't store them in my brain. I observed, afraid to mess with the characters or the plot. And, boy, did my childhood have a plot! With the constant moving, new continents, religions, languages. Change was constant, and I accepted it.  Like most children, I suppose, but I feel like I took this to an extreme.

But once we start growing up, our attitudes starts to change, as mine did. I wanted control. But during the fragile teenage years, what can we possibly control? Little things: our clothes, hair, food, friends, music. And that's why teenagers go crazy. Not necessarily because they don't like the way things are, but because they want everything to be their choice. And what's the point of being in control if everything stays the same? That's why they protest.

That's when we first feel the rush of power that comes with being in control, the power to change things in your life. And as you get older, you get more opportunity to realize that power. And more freedom.

And then you can go two ways: you can either start liking the power, or it can paralyze you with fear. Desafortunadamente (unfortunately), I was the latter. I did everything I could possibly do to avoid change, creating walls of stable things around me. And I hid there, until recently.
And if any of you have the same problem, I now address you. Don't.

First of all, it's silly to think that you can avoid change. So you might as well embrace it. Second of all, once you embrace it, you can start to work through your fear and learn to control it, as much as you can. And if you're anything like me, you will start to like it. Maybe even a little too much. ;)

Fear and Change go hand in hand, as I mentioned before. You cannot embrace one without embracing the other. I know. Facing your fears is not an easy task, but it is necessary on the journey of self-improvement. 
You mustn't let fear hold you back. (In reasonable situations, of course.)

If you really want to do something. Do it. Take the risk. Be smart of course, but if fear is the only thing holding you back, then you must force yourself. Challenge yourself. Really, what is the worst that can happen? And is it really that bad?

For example, I'm socially phobic. I have problems when talking to strangers and making eye contact. Until I was seventeen I could not ask for directions on the street, or have a conversation with the cashier when buying things. But I tortured myself out of it. How? I would do the exact opposite of what I wanted to. If I wanted to ask something in a store, my first instinct would be to forget about it, and go hide somewhere. But I would force myself to go up and ask. Even if it was something completely unnecessary and stupid. I had to do it. It may seem like a type of psychological masochism, but it does work. Face your fear. It's the first, best and probably only way to let go of it. I truly recommend it.

I realize that ''change'' is a bit of a broad term, so I would like to specify that I am mostly talking about personal change. Self-improvement, if you will. It's the best way to control change ever, in my opinion. Because what else can you control in life, if not yourself? I'm a very firm believer in the constant self-improvement way of life. Not perfectionalistm. But self-improvement. Catch the difference?

A person must always be evolving. That's my idea of the purpose of life. We were given conciousness, and the opportunity to evolve, and we must use it to the fullest. 


Now, there are two different aspects to this topic I'd like to mention: inner change and outer.
This is the part when I should say that it's the inner change that is more important. But I hold you, my readers, in enough esteem to assume that you know this, so I will elaborate only briefly...
When you want to evolve, you have to start with your inner world, and the rest will follow. You cannot expect your world to change if you do not make the effort to change something within yourself first.

But inner change is the most difficult one of them all. I've heard it said countless times: ''people don't change'', ''it's impossible''. Well, those of you who read my blod reguarly must know how I feel about the word ''impossible''. It's not only total BS, but it's also like a challange for me.
Impossible? Let me prove you wrong. Anyway...

This is very often said in regard to men and relationships, which I must, actually, agree with. Men don't change. You know why? Because in this stereotypical stiuation when women say this, what they mean is that men don't change for them. Which is a completely natural reaction. Men, once they sense the pressure to change to fit the ''perfect boyfriend/husband/friend/etc'' standarts, automatically put up a fierce defence system. And they are very smart to do so. We should learn from them. Really.

Never. Ever. Change for someone else. Or to fit someones' standarts or expectations. I mean, you can, but ultimately, if done for the wrong reasons, whatever the change was, it will come crashing down and backfire against you. And what good will that do you?

Whatever self-improvement plan you have, you need to question it:

• Who am I doing this for?
• Was it my idea?
• Will it benefit me? 
• Will I stand by it if my family/friends don't support it?
• Will I be able to keep it up long-term?

Only if you are absoultely sure you gave the right answers to these questions can you go ahead with your change. If you are doing this to prove something to someone, to get an ex back, to attract someones attention, to protest against something, etc., then you're doing it for the wrong reasons. And it will not last.

It's hard to tell the difference sometimes, I know, and it is ok to keep some of these things in the back of your mind as a bonus, but your main reason should be yourself. Any change you impliment on yourself should be your decision. For you. Be selfish in a certain extent!

OK, and a final aspect:
Change can be a fabulous way to.. well... change. That was a badly constructed sentence, but I hope you can follow what I mean. Sometimes we get stuck in bad situations, whether its a relationship, an attitude, a social environment or a belief system. And sometimes we don't have the emotional strength or inspiration to make a big inner change. So we can help ourselves through outer change. Women do this often, and I am very guilty of it. Change your hair color, style of clothing, move to a different city. This new, exciting development can serve as a final push that you need to really change, inside.
Although I must warn you that this is much, much harder than it seems. As a person who's moved from country to country her entire life, I can tell you for sure: unless you make an effort, you will, ALWAYS, take your problems with you. You cannot escape the lessons that you must learn, the experiences that you must go through. A different city will not save you. Unless, you are willing to work at it.

For example, if you are shy, you may think that transfering to a different school will give you a chance to be different. So you do. And what usually happens? You settle into the same situation. You cannot run from yourself. So the most important part is working on your inner change. Use the outer change as a helping factor, not the basis.
Yes, at first it might seem fake. You might need to push yourself, write little post-it notes on your mirror, wear a special ring or bracelet that will remind you to be different. But after a while...you will get use to it. The people around you will get use to it. And once they accept it, they will expect it from you, so it will be easier.

Now, let me make something clear: I am a firm believer in being yourself. So do not think that this article is propaganda for you to go out and become a different person.

Self-improvement change should be about releasing your inner self, becoming a better person, a better YOU, becoming the kind of person that you want to be.

Good luck!





What do you think? Comments, constructive criticisms, anything. Drop me a comment below.
(Also I'd like feedback on the fact that I'm making the blog more personal, using examples from my own life, which I wasn't doing before. Good change, or should I stick to the theory?)