Tango: A Journey. (My Journey)
"Dancers are the athletes of God" -
To dance is to be out of yourself. Larger, more beautiful, more powerful. ~Agnes De Mille
“Other music exists to heal wounds; but the tango
when sung and played is for the purpose of opening them, for the
purpose of sticking you finger in the wound and to tear them until they
bleed”
“Life is like Tango... sad, sensual, sexy, violent and quiet.
Angela Monet I want to take the opportunity to tell you about one of the most important aspects of my life, and, perhaps, why you should consider adopting it into yours as well.
I’m talking about Dance.
I've had this feeling for most of my childhood, a beating, burning sensation of potential inside of me. I wanted to dance. More than anything. But being the extremely passive child that I was, I never spoke up, never pursued it. Yea, I wanted to dance. But I made excuses. There was no opportunity. I had to study. I had to get good grades. I was silent.
But the summer I visited my sister, a year before graduating from high school, I realized that I could actually do it. My sister decided to take bellydancing classes at the gym. I went with her, but had no intention of joining. I was just going to work out. But standing there, behind the glass door of the dance studio, I suddenly felt that burning sensation again. Why couldn't I? Yes, bellydance was as far from my life as perhaps, molecular physics, but why not?
Why not?
I wish I could say that the class was mindboggling... but it wasn't. It was full of old or fat women who simply had nothing else to do and had no real interest in dance. But it was a beginning.
It was my beginning.
I took bellydance classes on and off through out the school year when I got back home... But nothing serious. I had to graduate with excellence... and dance was always falling to second... well, more like seventeenth place in my list of priorities.
But in my first year of college I realized that I could not hold it back any longer. My university was terrible and did not require any effort of my part. My GPA was 4.00, without having to barely lift a finger. I had time. Finally. I had the opportunity. And for the first time in my life I stood up and took it.
I joined the Latin dance club. I just went, asked around and joined.
I did something real for the first time in my life.
And for a while it was good. But Latin and I didn't mix well... My lack of balance and fear of falling just didn't work with all the turns and spins. I was looking for something more..
And then I heard that there is a tango club. And I went to ask about times... The lady looked at the clock and said, actually.. class starts in 5 minutes. And I decided... why not?
Now, I knew nothing about tango. I knew from bad Hollywood movies, that the colors are black and red, that people dance with roses in their teeth, mostly going sideways, cheek to cheek.
Boy was I in for a surprise...! When the first two months all we did was walk. Mostly backwards. I thought... what had I gotten myself into? I hated it. It was so boring...!
Until... I'm not sure of the moment... But once I was selected for the show group and we started going to milongas (special tango nights) and seeing professional dancers... At some point I realized...
Dance was the missing element in my life. Dance is what I want to wake up to for the rest of my life. I found it.
I found... Me.
And I found Tango.
And since that moment... I can't let it go. I started ballet classes. I bought en pointe shoes and am not training myself to stand in them. I'm not sure why or for what purpose...
It's just a feeling, incomparable to anything else I've ever felt.
I can't really describe what makes the tango so special. It's something about the fact that it's completely improvised, based on the passion and energy of the partners and the music. The closeness. The tragic emotions. The rhythm of the music coinciding with your heartbeat.
There is something addictive in the tango. Really. Those who feel the real energy of the tango once, are enslaved to it for a lifetime. It really is quite amazing, unlike any other types of dances, that concentrate on steps and beats. Tango focuses on energy.
It is now three years later, I look back and smile silently. I really had no idea what I was getting into. And what an important part of my life I had discovered. :)
And now that you know the background story, let me educate you:
Argentine Tango
Before you start thinking about holding a red rose in your mouth and shuffling around to the “la cumparsita”, like I did at the beginning of my tango life, let me tell you something. Tango is nothing like what you’ve heard of.
Simply, the tango teaches us how to behave in life. The
ideal leader and follower in description come very close to what we can expect
the ideal man and woman to be. The dance inspires confidence, compromise,
communication, trust.
And of course, like any other physical activity, it’s very
healthy, as it strengthens muscles, flexibility, correct spinal alignment,
balance, grace, etc. And now specifically to the genders: for women, I cannot
stress strongly enough how important it is to have a sense of your own body,
for me this is a large part of the very essence of being a woman: having to do
with beauty, grace, self-esteem and creativity; as for men: the most attractive
thing in a man is confidence. No wonder women all swoon in unison when they see
male dancers performing! A man who knows how to dance not only understands how
his body works, but also learns about the woman, how she moves and how he
should lead her. Now, trust me, this is useful not only in the dance floor.... ;)
But, if all of this sounds too complicated, there is also
another aspect: it’s simply a very beautiful, fun dance, and it’s a wonderful
social event. There are large tango communities in every large city in the
world nowadays, with special tango nights, practices, festivals and shows for
all levels of dancers.
So, why not? It may be something you can try for fun, for exercise, as a way of bonding with your boyfriend/girlfriend/partner... or who knows, you may get addicted and open up a dance studio someday. I will be very happy to meet and dance with you :)
So, why not? It may be something you can try for fun, for exercise, as a way of bonding with your boyfriend/girlfriend/partner... or who knows, you may get addicted and open up a dance studio someday. I will be very happy to meet and dance with you :)
"When the tango took hold of me, it was as if I had found the ultimate lover. No single experience can be as fascinating as this dance. No single work of art is so replete with all the joy and sorrow and longing and tragi-comedy of the human race, as is a tango danced between a man and a woman. It is labyrinthine, yet so simple. Each lasts just a few moments, yet it is eternal. There is a purity amidst all its complexities. The more one searches for the meaning behind its mystery, the ever more elusive is the tango... And yet, it is what it is, and we can see it, hear it, feel it, breathe it, live it, in the pleasure of its immediacy. Those of us it holds in its power - we want to shape our whole lives around it, its cadences, its sweat, its subtle messages and surging desires. The tango changes us forever. It changed me forever. Never have I been so intensely in love. Never had I felt so intensely alive. It helps me forget. And it helps me remember sweetly." - la nuit blanche
HappYness
“Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections.”
“We
tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting
something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what
we do have.”- Frederick Keonig
"Most people would rather be certain they're miserable, than risk being happy." ~Robert Anthony
“The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance; the wise grows it under his feet. ” ~James Openhein
In my constant obsession with self-improvement, I think I missed something. A little, seemingly silly aspect.
Am I happy?
And once I asked myself that I was surprised at what I felt as a response: emptiness.
And then it occurred to me: I'm not sure what that phrase means. What does it feel like to be happy? Of course I've been happy. But it seems like the moments of actual happiness are so short and rare that they get lost in the monotony of the stressful lives we lead.
Have we forgotten how it is to be happy?
An example that illustrated this point very clearly to me is when I thought back to my last relationship. When my boyfriend told me, "I love you", which was a first in our relationship, and the first time I've been told that. (I'm not counting family ''I love you''s). My first emotion was not happiness. It was panic. And the first thought I had was ''He must be lying. Is this a way of asking for sex?''
Ok, so maybe I'm a bit psychotic, but I think you can see that I mean.
We've been hypnotized into having stereotypes, fears, and having a sarcastic view on life.
We've forgotten how to appreciate things. How to find the light on a cloudy day. We can caught up in the everyday chaos and forget to be just be happy.
And what is more important than being happy?
I find it ironic that the word for ''happy'' in french, and I believe also in Spanish, is ''content(e)'', which in English is also a word used to describe a type of happiness, but, it seems to me, its the weakest type. Content means you're satisfied with what you have. It's not happy, per say. It's settling. It's acceptance.
Is that the way we understand happiness nowadays? As long as we have money, food, family, some friends, we consider ourselves happy people.
How often do you feel truly happy per week? Per year?
How long do those moments last?
I guess I shouldn't generalize here, I do know people that are insanely happy about everything. I envy them in a way, but the cynical side of me is afraid for them. It seems like if they are on such a high, something might happen to bring them back down, and it doesn't seem like they are strong enough to handle disasters. It seems, in a stupid and ironic way, that happy people aren't as strong as depressed ones.
Happiness is not known to make you stronger. All songs, movies, books, etc. teach us that it is through suffering and loss that we become strong, we become deserving, we grow.
But isn't that BS?
We have to suffer to deserve happiness? Why?
Do we really start out with such a non-existence self-esteem and low expectations that we don't believe that we deserve to be happy from the start? That we deserve to be loved?
That we deserve to feel?
I realized that I sedate myself to a state of moderateness. (I'm not sure that's a word, though.) Happiness in moderation, sadness in moderation.
I keep myself in the middle, because I'm bipolar, and the pendulum-like swing from happiness to depression exhausts me to an extent that I feel like I have no energy to live.
Are we afraid to feel?
I am. I'm afraid I'm not strong enough to handle the consequences.
I read somewhere that all the things you fear the most have already happened to you. And you fear the repetition. Fear of abandonment, fear of betrayal, etc. But the ironic thing is, if it's already happened, you survived it. So it wasn't that bad after all. And if you learned something and moved on, it won't repeat. If it does, you still didn't take what you had to from the situation.
Be open to experience. I feel like in the fear of being hurt we forget that there are two possibilities. Yes, it might be a disaster. But it also could be magically wonderful (I just had this image of pink, fuzzy unicorns frolicking through a field of daisies. haha..)
If I envy anyone at all on the subject of happiness, it's children.
The purity of childhood. It's something magical isn't it? They are just made out of love, they give it to anyone and everyone, whether the person deserves it or not. Very strange and sad that the point of growing up is to loose that innocence.
I think we should all keep that little inner child inside of us alive. People use ''childish'' as a negative thing, but I think it's actually a positive! Children are wonderful, pure, innocent beings. Nothing wrong with reconnecting with our past. I think it will do the world a whole lot of good if we did.
Be happy. No excuses.
Just stop, look at the sky, feel the breath go in and out of your lungs.
You're alive. Feel the life pumping through your veins. Feel the opportunities. The magic.
Be happy.
Picture from: http://farm1.static.flickr.com/208/481949902_581b0dbdf5_m.jpg
Metamorphosis
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| Image Copyright: Elena Vizerskaya, aka Kassandra Amazing Ukrainian artist, view her port at http://www.photodom.com/member/kassandra |
“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.” -Maria Robinson
“The key to change... is to let go of fear.” -Rosanne Cash
“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” -Reinhold Niebuhr
It's a concept that is at the base of everyone's life, but our attitudes and reactions to it differ. Let us discuss..
The fear that comes along with change is quite natural. The first type inspires fear of the new and different, the second - fear of the unknown and fear of the loss of control.
That's when we first feel the rush of power that comes with being in control, the power to change things in your life. And as you get older, you get more opportunity to realize that power. And more freedom.
And if any of you have the same problem, I now address you. Don't.
You mustn't let fear hold you back. (In reasonable situations, of course.)
This is the part when I should say that it's the inner change that is more important. But I hold you, my readers, in enough esteem to assume that you know this, so I will elaborate only briefly...
When you want to evolve, you have to start with your inner world, and the rest will follow. You cannot expect your world to change if you do not make the effort to change something within yourself first.
But inner change is the most difficult one of them all. I've heard it said countless times: ''people don't change'', ''it's impossible''. Well, those of you who read my blod reguarly must know how I feel about the word ''impossible''. It's not only total BS, but it's also like a challange for me.
Impossible? Let me prove you wrong. Anyway...
Never. Ever. Change for someone else. Or to fit someones' standarts or expectations. I mean, you can, but ultimately, if done for the wrong reasons, whatever the change was, it will come crashing down and backfire against you. And what good will that do you?
Whatever self-improvement plan you have, you need to question it:
- Who am I doing this for?
- Was it my idea?
- Will it benefit me?
- Will I stand by it if my family/friends don't support it?
- Will I be able to keep it up long-term?
It's hard to tell the difference sometimes, I know, and it is ok to keep some of these things in the back of your mind as a bonus, but your main reason should be yourself. Any change you impliment on yourself should be your decision. For you. Be selfish in a certain extent!
OK, and a final aspect:
Change can be a fabulous way to.. well... change. That was a badly constructed sentence, but I hope you can follow what I mean. Sometimes we get stuck in bad situations, whether its a relationship, an attitude, a social environment or a belief system. And sometimes we don't have the emotional strength or inspiration to make a big inner change. So we can help ourselves through outer change. Women do this often, and I am very guilty of it. Change your hair color, style of clothing, move to a different city. This new, exciting development can serve as a final push that you need to really change, inside.
Although I must warn you that this is much, much harder than it seems. As a person who's moved from country to country her entire life, I can tell you for sure: unless you make an effort, you will, ALWAYS, take your problems with you. You cannot escape the lessons that you must learn, the experiences that you must go through. A different city will not save you. Unless, you are willing to work at it.
For example, if you are shy, you may think that transfering to a different school will give you a chance to be different. So you do. And what usually happens? You settle into the same situation. You cannot run from yourself. So the most important part is working on your inner change. Use the outer change as a helping factor, not the basis.
Yes, at first it might seem fake. You might need to push yourself, write little post-it notes on your mirror, wear a special ring or bracelet that will remind you to be different. But after a while...you will get use to it. The people around you will get use to it. And once they accept it, they will expect it from you, so it will be easier.
Now, let me make something clear: I am a firm believer in being yourself. So do not think that this article is propaganda for you to go out and become a different person.
Self-improvement change should be about releasing your inner self, becoming a better person, a better YOU, becoming the kind of person that you want to be.
Good luck!
What do you think? Comments, constructive criticisms, anything. Drop me a comment below.
(Also I'd like feedback on the fact that I'm making the blog more personal, using examples from my own life, which I wasn't doing before. Good change, or should I stick to the theory?)
Whats your script?
"We are born into a system. The world is already formed beforehand. It seems that your life is just beginning, but you are never given a blank page. You are given a script." - Unknown
''Create the world you dream with every choice you make.'' -Stephen C. Paul
When we are born, we are given a script called ''This is what your life should be like"
And we don't really have much of a choice in the matter.
And we start playing:
The first chapter, childhood.
Pre-school, playing with toys, learning to ride a bike, running around screaming in happiness, eating ice cream and candy until your stomach hurts.
Then, teenage years.
School, being moody, doing crazy things, not listening to your parents, experimenting, being messy, loving, crying, piercing your tongue.
Young adult
University, relationships, sex, car, parties, alcohol.
Adult
Marriage, children, big house, job, money.
Senior
Retirement
My question is, ''is that all?''
Really, is that all life has to offer? Don't we have any choice?
Of course we do. But when we people try to get away from the script, they are judged. Severely. They are labeled. ''weird'', ''rebellious'', ''anti-____''.
but all they try to do is do something different.
Different isn't wrong. That's a stereotype I really think that people should be aware of and try to let go. Its not wrong, weird or anti-anything. It's just different. We are all unique beings. We have the right to choose our path in life. Who says we all have to choose the same one?
Does everybody really need to get 16+ years of education? Does everyone have to hate their parents when they are teenagers? Does everyone have to drink until passing out every weekend as college students?
Rhetorical questions, really. But why do we still give in to the stereotype? Even the most modern and open of us give in to it. ''Different is wrong. Discourage them. Make them come back to the mass of sameness''
Its sad, really.
An example: I have plenty of experience in living in historically Muslim countries. And what surprises me is that ''modern'' Muslim people drink alcohol, even though officially it's forbidden. But moreover, they judge Muslims who don't drink alcohol because of religious beliefs. They ask ''what's wrong with you?'', label them as conservative, or old fashioned. But who said that getting drunk is something everyone has to do?
Personally I prefer these things to be not forced by religion or cultural beliefs, but by your personal decisions. For example, I'm a vegetarian. Not because my parents, my church, God, animal protection organizations, dieting specialists, doctors, etc, told me so. Because I decided. That's it.
People ask me the reason, and they expect me to say one of these things. It's so much easier to use those things, to use an excuse, than to stand by your beliefs. Because without the support of the church, God, family behind you, you're alone. And you get judged for being different. Because it was your initiative to change something about your life. No one told you to. That's the hard way.
The example that inspired me to write this article is the story of Elizabeth Scharpf, that was published in the NY Times. She had everything going for her in her script. A top university and good-paying career ahead of her. But she decided to move to Nepal and teach underprivileged children.
( read about her story at http://www.nytimes.com/2010/10/24/magazine/24volunteerism-t.html )
Crazy? Weird? or Heroic?
What's the difference? It's in your attitude.
YOUR ATTITUDE DETERMINES YOUR REALITY.
What my point is, don't judge people. And choose for yourself. Don't accept things blindly. And be open for people's decisions. So what if it's a little far from what you're use to?
Do you remember?
Every person's memory is his private literature. ~Aldous Huxley
Nothing fixes a thing so intensely in the memory as the wish to forget it. ~Michel de Montaigne
I recently had a bit of a strange experience, which was my inspiration for this article. So let the first briefly share it with you: I started taking Spanish classes this summer, but could not take the exam at the end, because I went on vacation. When I came back two weeks later I went to take the exam, and looking at the exam paper, my mind was completely blank. I could not remember anything. I studied! Maybe not too much, because everything was still pretty fresh in my memory. Or at least I thought it was. Even more strange, I started remembering French, which I had taken for about 5 years, but its been two years since then!
Has something like this ever happen to you before?
It was a first for me. And it really got me thinking. Yes, of course I know about short-term and long-term memory. But I have never met face to face with this phenomenon before, and so clearly.
So let me first explain a bit in case you're not familiar with the subject. Memory works in two different ways: short-term and long-term. The difference is the length of time the information is stored.
The information stored in short-term memory is
available only for a limited period of time, but long-term memory can store much larger
quantities of information for potentially unlimited period of time. Its capacity is immeasurably large.
So that is why you can remember which flowers grew in your mother's garden when you were four years old, but you can't remember what your teacher said just ten minutes earlier. Strange, isn't it?
So my question is, when do we use which memory type, and is it possible to do it consciously?
It seems to me that the entire system of education, not just in Turkey, but in the world, is based on short-term memory. It's overloaded, unorganized and mostly unnecessary. Students are given a chaotic soup of information, from which it is hoped that they retain at least, I don't know, maybe 20% at most? At least the basics. But some don't even retain that much.
There is a bit of a logic behind this system, I suppose, to expose the students to a maximum variety of different subjects, so they learn a little bit of everything and later in life can choose, already knowing a bit about their specialty. But does that work really? I went to a private high school in Ukraine. We had advanced physics, chemistry, law, economics, maths. I graduated with excellence. Now, I sometimes hesitate when counting change when buying things.
I think there is a difference between giving students a large variety of information, and pushing them to a point of exhaustion. After a while, if there is too much, instead of learning a bit of everything, you learn nothing at all. If there is too much, the memory gets tired and confused.
Really, it seems strange that teachers don't understand this when creating syllabuses. Give students 30 pages to read, or give them a summary? And if they want more details, then give them a book. In a perfect world they would read. But we have to be realistic and practical. People simply do not need to know the detailed and inner workings of every subject. They need practical knowledge. And when they choose what they want to do in life, then they can go into details. But then it will be voluntary.
I think that the difference between whether or not you use short term memory or long term isn't only in repetition. It has to do with interest. If you like a subject, if it is important to you, or if it is fun, you are much more likely to remember.
I had a math teacher in 6th grade, who was the best teacher I ever had. He once made us all close our eyes, while he went out and came back with a guitar, pretending to be our teacher's twin brother, and played/sang us a song in which some of the lyrics were math formulas we had to memorize. About 8 years later, I still remember the melody and lyrics to the song. Enough said.
What do you think?
Behind those eyes you hide
"The eyes are the mirror of the soul" -Proverb
The quote above is well known and understood by nearly everybody, despite culture, age, gender, race or religion. From the beginning of time people, and animals also, were captivated by one particular feature of the body- the eyes.
This is not a shocking phenomenon, and in our daily lives we do not even pause to question it. But let's take an opportunity and ask ourselves 'why?'
Why the eyes?
"The eye is an organ of the body that detects light and allows the being to see."
Where, in that definition, do you see any reason to why looking into another persons' eyes is so captivating, and socially meaningful?
Logically thinking, when speaking to someone, there is no physical need to look into their eyes. It does not help hearing or anything of that sort. Yes, body language is important. When you are connecting with someone/something, you focus your body on them. But you will communicate just as effectively if you look at their throat, or their mouth, after all, that is where the sound is coming from.
What is it about the eyes that captures us? If not something that can be scientifically explained, we must look further.
My 1st Theory: Remains of animalistic instincts
According to Iridology,an alternative medicine technique, it is believed that patterns, colors, and other characteristics of the iris can be examined to determine information about a persons' health. Iridologists see the eyes as "windows" into the body's
state of health.
Iridologists use iris charts to distinguish between healthy systems
and organs in the body and those that are overactive, inflamed, or
distressed. Iridologists believe this information demonstrates a
patient's susceptibility towards certain illnesses, reflects past
medical problems, or predicts later health problems.
Dr. Bernard Jensen,
puts it this way: "Nerve fibers in the iris respond to changes in body
tissues by manifesting a reflex physiology that corresponds to specific
tissue changes and locations."
Even the color is connected to your health:
A blue iris means that a person is subject to diseases
connected to the rise of acidity, such as arthritis, rheumatism, asthma and
gastric ulcer.
A brown iris is indicative that a person is subject to
indigestion, for instance, gastroenteritis, constipation and diseases of the
central nervous system.
Bluish-brown (green) iris speaks of its owner’s
increased acidity and toxicity, which is connected, with disturbed functions of
the nervous and digestive systems.
Mixed tones of iris often have a blue basis that,
consequently, points to an aptitude for illnesses typical for blue iris.
OK, so what does all of this have to do with my theory?
Instinctively, animals search for healthy mates/companions. In the animal world, being vulnerable for illnesses means being weaker and less chances of survival. Instinctively, animals are able to sense sickness in other animals. Perhaps, and only perhaps, they were able to do this by examining their eyes? Maybe not just for illnesses, but for compatibility also.
So, as mammals, perhaps people were able to inherit this instinct and ability and continue to use it, though, of course, on a subconscious level.
From this we may conclude, that while communicating, we are not just pointlessly staring at our partner, but our brains are sort of analyzing their state of health, and calculating compatibility. And that can explain that feeling we get of whether we like a person immediately when we've only just met them, or we feel repelled.
My 2nd Theory: social implications
Living in a society we cannot be free of its rules.
Eye contact has always been a very strong form of nonverbal communication between people. But in different cultures, it implies completely different things. Let's take a look.
USA: Good eye contact signifies that
you are interested, confident, and bold, if you neglect to make eye contact
with a person, it signifies lack of interest, or self-confidence.
My 3rd Theory: Reading the Soul
People are very hard to read and to understand, so we search for ways of finding out what a person is all about early on, to determine our compatibility. And you cannot find these things out by asking, so we search for other ways. Can the eyes help us?
"The Japanese are considered tot he experts of reading people by the eyes. The size can say a great deal: small ones belong to unsociable, self-complacent and
stubborn, dry eyes speak of vanity, wet ones – of circumspection and
eloquence, runny ones - of guilt, deep-set eyes - of boldness, round eyes
symbolize the ability of self-strengthening, bulging eyes - anxiety, unbalance and arrogance. Looking at the wideness of the pupils,
it’s possible to define weather a person is interested in this or that
problem; after all, even at the moment of small emotional excitement adrenaline
is thrown into the blood and the expansion of pupils occurs. So, attentive
salesmen can define the attitude of buyers and know when it’s good to
bargain and when it is not. " (from www.womanknows.com/health-advice/news/451/)
Also, in the study of body language, people have determined that there is a connection between eye movement and lying.
When asked a question,
people may look up to the left, or up to the right. Simply, if a person
looks up to the left, they are accessing their part of the brain that
is responsible for constructed images, so they may be lying. If they
look up to the right, they are accessing their memory, so they are
telling the truth. (This is for right-handed people, and it is the
opposite for left-handed people.)
So, the eyes hold many secrets, to our body, mind and soul.
No wonder they attract us so much!
References
http://www.womanknows.com/health-advice/news/451/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eye_color
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Iridology
http://www.blifaloo.com/info/lies_eyes.php
The Beauty and Horror of Feminism
I've been repeatedly accused of feminism. So for once, I'd like to approach the subject directly. I'm a what?“Nobody objects to a woman being a good writer or sculptor or geneticist if at the same time she manages to be a good wife, good mother, good looking, good tempered, well groomed and unaggressive”- Leslie McIntyre
"I myself have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is: I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a door mat or a prostitute." -Rebecca West
"I'm tough, I'm ambitious, and I know exactly what I want. If that makes me a bitch, okay." - Madonna Ciccone"You don't have to be anti-man to be pro-woman." - Jane Galvin Lewis
"Feminism refers to political, cultural, and economic movements
seeking greater, equal, or, among a minority, superior rights and
participation in society for women and girls. These rights and means of
participation include legal protection and inclusion in politics,
business, and scholarship, and recognition and building of women's
cultures and power... Feminist activists have campaigned for women's rights—such as in
contract, property, and voting—while also promoting women's rights to bodily integrity and autonomy and reproductive rights. They have opposed domestic violence, sexual harassment, and sexual assault. In economics, they have advocated for workplace rights, including equal pay and opportunities for careers and to start businesses." -Wikipedia Wisdom
Well that was shocking and horrible (not). I could never really understand why being called a feminist is a sort of insult. Yes, I believe that the absence of one or another reproductive organ does and should not handicap a person in any area of life. Why is that bad? Why does saying that imply that I should be stamped FEMINIST on the forehead, be expected to shave my head and run around the streets screaming?
We can't really talk about women, men, feminist, whatever the male equivalent of that is, and power without talking about sexuality. After all, that is the only thing that draws the line between us.
Yes, in (most) religions women are the source of all sin. But in the same religions we are taught that God is love and that He loves all of his creations. And that we must love one another.
Yes, original sin, etc etc. The devil uses women to tempt and distract men. Whatever. If men are weak enough to take the bait, then who exactly is the stronger sex? If women are strong enough to completely confuse and devour the hearts and souls of men... then, just logically thinking here, shouldn't we be considered the higher power?
Simply speaking, Adam ate the damn apple himself. Eve did not, as I recall in the story, shove it down his throat. Decisions, decisions.
And actually, it wasn't always so. At about 30,000 B.C., people believed the female sexual organ to be the sole source of life. It was carved into stone, as a symbol of life, and the gateway to God. Now, there is food for thought.
Don't panic. Not calling for the establishment of a matriarchy or anything. I'm a firm believer in peace and equality.
And more than anything, equal standards.
Why are women expected to be super beings? Combine housework, career success, mens' playboy fantasies, and womens' ideas of beauty and perfection? While it's perfectly accepted in society for a guy of 30 to be balding and have a beer belly.
The same goes for behavior. Accoring to AskMen.com: "Men interrogate, women are concerned, Men are whipped, women are clingy, Men are glorified, women are ostracized, Men are chivalrous, women are catty, Men are dysfunctional, women need better lovers." These are the top 5 double standards in dating. Agree? I think they have a point.
Some differences it seems have been and always be. But some, I do believe can be improved and compromised. If we stop being so afraid of the concept of equality and, oh my, feminism.
We're not wild animals, that, if you open the cage door, will jump out, bite you and pee on the carpet. We, too, are intelligent, sophisticated creatures, just trying to find a place in the world, sometimes more so than men. So let's give each other a bit of break.
Peace?
References:
http://files.nireblog.com/blogs4/blog-barbiegirls/files/barbie-girl.jpg
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_human_sexuality
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Feminism
http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/wdc/137792491.html
http://rfamilypuzzle.com/yahoo_site_admin/assets/images/2008_1206Puzzle20078.354110355.JPG
http://www.oceansbridge.com/paintings/collections/old-masters-collection/big/Jan_Gossaert_Called_MabusexxAdam_and_Eve.jpg
http://uk.askmen.com/top_10/dating_60/70b_dating_list.html
"Sexual intelligence", by Kim Cattrall.
Your love is my drug
"There's a lot of research showing that laughter has an impact on illness. It releases endorphins and relieves pain." ~Janice Hein
"As to you, your scent – it's like a drug to me. You're like my own personal brand of heroin." ~Edward Cullen, Twilight"Romantic love is an addiction," said Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist. "My guess is that our modern addictions -- nicotine, drugs, sex, gambling -- are simply hijacking this ancient brain pathway that evolved millions of years ago, that evolved for romantic love. ... The brain system evolved to focus your energy on an individual and start the mating process."
What are endorphins and what do they do?
They
chemicals that are released in your brain under certain conditions.
Endorphins are an opiate, and effect your brain in the same way that
morphine
does. It is the chemical
responsible for "natural high".
More
commonly it is known as the ''feel-good'' chemical, the reason we feel
happy. But there are many different ways of influencing the level of
endorphins in our bodies, some healthy, and some not so much. You might
be surprised...
Healthy ones: Exercise, sex, playing with pets, favorite colors, activities, sunlight, spending time with friends and family, repetitive motions
(such as knitting or sewing), singing, dancing, bath, eating spicy food, nature, laughing, crying, tickling, vibrations.
Unhealthy: Arguing, reliving
confrontations over and
over in your head, picking at hangnails,
pimples, scabs, excessive exercise, repetitive obsessive
compulsive behavior, sugar,
caffeine,
alcohol, causing yourself
physical pain, being late, rushing to meet a deadline.
Sound
familiar? If you are engaging in any of these, it is
because the endorphin chemicals in your brain are low,
and
you are subconsciously trying to increase it. Our bodies
know what they need, but they do not always know the right way to get
it.
The term endorphin rush
has been adopted in popular speech to refer to feelings of exhilaration
brought on by pain, danger, or stress. Immediately after injury,
endorphins allow animals to feel a sense of power and control over
themselves that allows them to persist with activity for an extended
time.
Now that we got that part out of the way, let's think.
If
endorphins are a natural drug in our bodies, why is the fact that we
can get addicted to it so surprising? Almost any of the activities I
mentioned above is open to addiction. Anything overdone, even the most
healthiest thing ever, can become harmful. Love, sex, exercise, coffee
to name a few obvious ones.
As for exercise, intense workouts cause an increase in endorphin levels. Our bodies make endorphins whenever we exert ourselves, and the higher levels probably help us better tolerate physical pain and discomfort, perhaps they help with emotional pain, too?
What about love addictions?
From looking at the brain scans of the broken-hearted, researchers found
that recovering from a break-up is like a kicking an addiction to a
drug.
"Nobody gets out of love alive," Fisher said. "You turn into a menace or
a pest when you've been rejected. That's when people stalk or commit
suicide. ... There's a very powerful brain system that has a dramatic
effect on your entire life."
It
seems quite interesting that such opposite emotions such as love and
anger, generate the same chemical response in our body? Curious.
So
which emotion do we seek? Love is complicated. It carries
responsibilities, fears, expectations. But its opposite? Fast, easy. And
has the same effect. Curious. It is always easier to go for the lower
emotion. Always easier to kneel down than to reach up.
Let's
not confuse between what is right and what is easy. Let's not be lazy
and always reach for the top. And learn how to find happiness in its
most natural and pure ways.
http://www.recoverfromdepression.com/endorphins.htm
http://abcnews.go.com/Technology/addicted-love-brain/story?id=11110866&page=2
http://www.sexual-addiction.net/what_is_sexual_addiction.php
http://www.womenfitness.net/exercise_addiction.htm
http://abcnews.go.com/Technology/addicted-love-brain/story?id=11110866
Truth and Lies, and something in between
"Therefore I lie with her and she with me,
And in our faults by lies we flatter'd be."
-W. Shakespeare, Sonnet 138
Out of all the 'sins' of today, the most common, the most feared, and the most underestimated, I believe, is lying.
"To lie is to state something that one knows to be false or that one does not honestly believe to be true with the intention
to deceive others, often with the further intention to maintain a secret
or reputation, protect someone's feelings or to avoid a punishment or repercussion for one's actions."
- from our beloved Wikipedia.
(That is no longer a valid reference source for most academic papers. Sad, but true.)
- from our beloved Wikipedia.
(That is no longer a valid reference source for most academic papers. Sad, but true.)
So now that we got the definition out of the way....
We all do it. Most, if not all, of us feel guilty about it. But sadly there is nothing to be done. Sometimes lies help things go smoother, mostly white lies, the ones that don't really matter. They help things move along with minimum drama. You know the ones that I mean: "Nothing's wrong", "Yes, you look wonderful", "Yes, I'm almost finished with that assignment", "It wasn't me", "I don't know how that got there", "It's ok, it happens to everyone", and of course "Size doesn't matter."
These little lies usually don't hurt too much, but sometimes they do backfire unexpectedly, so limit their use.
But what hurts us and others more is the abnormal kind of lies.
The ones that imply betrayal, the ones that we build up on purpose and fight hard to keep. And the worst of all these are the lies we tell ourselves.
What happens then when a person lies to themselves?
It seems physically impossible to believe a lie that is told to oneself. I mean, you know you're lying. So there is no doubt.So how can you believe it? Impossible.
But how to you explain the situations in which it works?
For example, ever tried faking happiness? When you feel absolutely terrible, you can physically force yourself to smile, even if its ironic. And it works! It seems like the physical movement creates the same chemical reaction as the real thing: endorphins are released, and you feel better.
But its a lie... right?
But its a lie... right?
Another common example for women are so called modern mantras. Once just a religious thing, they're now used in an effort to help women gain more self-confidence. Repeating certain motivational phrases daily helps women. Even if they're not really true, they help. And they actually help them change, to make the statement true.
But its a lie... right?
What about lies that you don't consciously understand? Anorexia for example. Anorexic women look at themselves in a mirror and see a distorted reality, they see a lie. But it's their brain lying to them, nobody else. They're lying to themselves, creating a different version of reality.
But its all a lie... right?
I guess what I'm trying to get at is that this is not such a simple concept. Especially when we get psychological aspects involved in the discussion...
We, women especially, lie to keep ourselves happy. Often. Ironic, but true. And I can't figure out if it's a bad thing or not.
What do you think? (New feedback page available, check at the top)
What do you think? (New feedback page available, check at the top)
Seems like any sort of happiness better than being miserable, even if it is based on lies?
We create our own reality. So if we lie ourselves into believing something, after some time it becomes the truth for us. Of course this is a very sensitive issue, and it doesn't work for all things. Most importantly, it shouldn't work for all things, it's dangerous and harmful. But for some, this is a means of survival.
If you're trapped in a situation. You might as well enjoy it, or get something positive out of it, even if you have to lie or fake your way through it. And after a while you start to believe in your lies. At which point they actually stop being lies.
A bit of a controversial issue, and even I don't agree with it 100% I think, but I like pointing out these aspects. Think about it.
It's how arranged marriages work. It's how people can stand terrible job positions. It's how we deal with difficulties in relationships. It's how we make peace with our parents during conflicts. There are a lot of situations in life that you simply don't want to face in absolute truth. You look for ways to get yourself to be OK with it. And what is that if not a type of lying to yourself?
Another aspect I want to cover is how the belief in a lie can be have the same effect as the truth.
I'm talking about the Placebo Effect. For those unfamiliar with the subject, a brief overview:
"The physician's belief in the treatment and the patient's faith in the physician exert a mutually reinforcing effect; the result is a powerful remedy that is almost guaranteed to produce an improvement and sometimes a cure." -- Petr Skrabanek and James McCormick, Follies and Fallacies in Medicine, p. 13.
"A placebo (Latin for "I shall please") is a
pharmacologically inert substance that produces an effect similar to what would be expected of a
pharmacologically active substance (such as an antibiotic).The placebo effect is the measurable, observable, or felt improvement in
health or behavior not attributable to a medication or invasive treatment that has been
administered."
In simple terms, if a person believes enough in the fact that he/she is given medicine that will help them, even if they are given fake medicine aka sugar pills, the effect will be similar, or even the same as if they had been given real medication.
It's a lie? But if you believe enough that it is the truth, your body doesn't know the difference. Scary, huh?
So what can we conclude?
That things are never as simple as they may seem. Yes, lying is bad. Mostly. But sometimes it is useful, and , yes, rarely, but still, sometimes it is necessary.
But use it sparingly and with caution. Because, once caught, there will be trouble.
(And what better way to end than with a little taste of Nietzsche?)
“I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you” -Friedrich Nietzsche
References:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lie
http://www.skepdic.com/placebo.html
http://uk.askmen.com/dating/heidi_200/211b_dating_girl.html
http://factoidz.com/wp-content/themes/gabtheme/images/how-can-we-tell-if-someone-is-lying-to-us.jpg (photo)
Let what needs to happen, happen
"A person often meets his destiny on the road he took to avoid it." ~Jean de La Fontaine
"Fate leads the willing, and drags along the reluctant." ~Seneca
Intro
-----It has been lately pointed out to me that the tone of my writings is
somewhat feministic. Not that I don't like that, but I do want to try to make my blog a bit less womanizing, broaden the target audience a bit. So let me just switch that around a bit to just
being somewhat rebellious or radical. So hang in with me here.-----
There has long been controversy and discussion between whether a person controls his or her own life or whether it has already been predicted.
The latter bases itself mostly on religion: if our destiny is predetermined, then who determines it? Surely some higher power. And that's where God comes in.
Whereas the first bases itself on the modern notions of human superiority and domination. It's the belief that we are God(s). We are the prevalent race on Earth, everything else was made to serve us. We control our own destiny.
Right ?
It seems to me that the nature of truth is that it is always in the middle of two radical opposites. In the Ukrainian language referred to as the ''golden center''. Nothing that is absolute is really true, there are always different aspects. And both must be taken into consideration.
So what if it's a bit of both?
Honestly, to think that people are able to fully control their lives is silly. We know too little, we understand too little. We cannot know what will happen to us, or to the world, not the next day, not the next year, not even the next second. We have no control over certain things. And these things directly, or indirectly influence our little world. We cannot deny that.
So ultimately the notion that people control their own destiny is just something that we believe, because we refuse to give into the fear of the unknown factors that actually shape our destiny. We are afraid to let go and let things flow. What if they flow the ''wrong'' way? What if something was just not meant to be? How can we just give in to that? It's hard.
Now, of course this is not the absolute. I am not saying we should lay back and let life take us where we need to go. What's the point then? I believe that there are divine factors that influence our path, but we are still the ones that have to walk it. Now, maybe not EVERYTHING is predetermined. Little things are probably not. Unless they influence the big picture. Those decisions are probably monitored closely and influenced, if needed, by, let's say God, or maybe Angels. Spirits. Whatever label you prefer. Higher forces that we cannot explain or understand.
Seems like there are two aspects to this that always get me confused:
Testing and pushing away. Let me explain:
Sometimes it seems like if you really want something, you have to prove exactly how much you want it. You have to fight, through the pain, misery, maybe sacrifice, to prove that you ''deserve'' it. And there are success stories like that. Against all odds and boundaries, people do get what they want.
In other cases, it seems like the higher spirits are pushing you away from making a bad decision, from going in a direction that you shouldn't go.
My question is, how can you know the difference?
Maybe I'm taking this too far into religion and philosophy, but seriously, how can God expect us to understand His signs if He didn't send us a manual of how to interpret them?
If something goes wrong, is it a warning or is it a test?
I guess we can never really know for sure. Unless we can listen to our intuition and act on it. People have forgotten how to listen. And don't look at me like I'm crazy, it's been proven scientifically and mathematically. (read my article "Coincidence?" from 3/31/10
)
It does exist. And it could make our lives a lot easier if we knew how to listen. There are signs and answers everywhere. We just have either forgotten, or maybe we didn't really ever know how to interpret them.
Anyway, my point is, yes, we make decisions, but there is a part of our lives that we don't control. Some things have to happen, and we have to let them happen.
There was a story on the news a while back: A couple, man and woman, were late for their flight, that later crashed and everyone died. They got a car and rode to whatever place they needed to get to. And they got into a car accident. And both died. (A bit of a depressing example, but you get my point?)
I think its time that people stopped being so afraid to let go and tried to "relax into the unknown." Let go of all the
fear that is holding us back.
It's okay to trust in fate, in the hope that everything will turn out perfectly. Really.
Credits: http://rebekahsimpson.wordpress.com/2009/05/05/trust-and-let-go/, http://www.sloclick.co.uk/images/20050921091213_footsteps_sm.jpg
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